all4theduke

Time is unkind

2009-10-26T01:05:46Z

Since my last entry, I found out: one, that the guy who was saying I was his type was leading me on and was not looking for a relationship is now in one with another girl....two, that the guy who made my life hell with my first ex when he came back to me begging forgiveness I should of said no and walked away instead of believing him and him turning around and hurting me when being ex number two, he broke up with me out of the clear blue for stupid reasons that I am pretty sure were made up. In any case, my personal life is at a complete standstill as usual and so now I am just working on getting through my senior year at college even though I already set myself up for another year here. Its scary because I honestly am having trouble figuring out my future now and where I am headed who can say. The more I learn about the real world and what I need to get in there and survive the less I feel prepared. In any case time heals everything they say and I just got to be positive when I feel questioned or feel like questioning myself.

overwhelmed

2009-02-04T19:26:56Z

Its been a while but hey, times do take that toll on a person and you cant seem to keep up with anything anymore. Basically after finishing my first real relationship of three months my life got hectic, i started relationship two, which lasted four days and whom the guy friend who is a very good guy friend is always still calling me. But other than that, ex number one wouldnt leave me alone and then coupled with a friend of his who made my life hell for a period of time, it took quite a while to reach the status i am at now and done with all that mess. Currently my troubles seem to be worrying about my general being and how i am going to keep up with living expenses month to month and finding a job in this day and age. Its getting way overwhelming that im running near broke and i have to worry about all these expenses that just keep seeming to come at me. I feel even being as thrifty as my mother taught me to be its just not enough. But as always, it will be figured out somehow, i am not sure how yet, but i will. On top of this worry, i have recently been talking to a guy here at school more and whom told me i was his type and then proceeded to kiss me randomly the first time we hung out. Whats bad about this, is that since then, he acts like always and im left at a loss for what the heck is going on. why cant life and relationships be more clear cut, i mean if u like someone let them know your intentions right off so then they can either say yes that is okay with me and or say no thank you and you both move on? i mean i really hate the whole guessing games with guys. oh well, my main concern has to be school and finding a job now so ill let him do whatever he thinks he needs to do and not worry about it anymore, because that can drive a girl nuts and just go on like i have unless he wants to make something out of it. ill cross that bridge when i come to it, should i ever.

Junior year and life is changing alot...

2008-09-23T00:14:29Z

Its been a crazy year. So much is different in my life since I started college. Not only am I living in my first apartment with two friends, including my best friend Cait, but I have turned 21 and also gained another person in my life, namely my boyfriend Travis. Its hard to think that my birthday and my relationship coincided as they did, in fact our relationship became official the morning of my birthday. Hows that for odd huh? Some present huh? Happy Birthday, you have a boyfriend! Not to mention he is my first real boyfriend. Its like hello, you can drink now and have someone to pamper you as well, which Travis certainly does. He won't let me pay for anything and he loves to cook, so he cooks for me too. Our first real date he took me hiking which I love to do, and then out to dinner at a mexican restuarant. Then the next date we had, he cooked me dinner and we watched a movie. It was after that, that he asked me out, about midnight the day before my birthday and it was official the next morning. So if that wasn't enough, he had bought me a bottle of wine for my birthday and the cork to open it, and then he spent the evening of my birthday with me and took me to get icecream. Then that friday we went out with friends to Red Lobster and I ordered my first drink as a 21 year old and got a yummy pina colada, and my favorite Snow Crab Legs, and I was going to pay for it myself, but needless to say when it was time for the bill, the boy wouldn't let me pay and treated me. Its been exactly a week today that we have dated and so far he is a very attentive and sweet boyfriend. Let's see how long that lasts, because from what I have seen with my friends relationships, it doesn't usually stay that way. Wish me luck, though I am pretty sure he is not going to be mr. forever, but for right now, hes nice to have around.

I dont know where i am just now

2008-01-21T07:08:38Z

I'm back at school and glad of it. I love home, don't get me wrong, but I nearly worked the whole time and it seems to me that I never really got a break at all to speak of. I shouldn't complain I know that more than anyone, but I can't help feel that way. Its great being back at school but the weariness that i felt over break has still not left me yet. I don't know why, but I am ever so tired all the time and what's even worse, I just seem to have this cloud hanging over me. I am constantly worried about something, even if it is of no real consequence and I am not able to completely relax ever. Guess I am suffering from anxiety. I worry alot over events from day to day. It seems more and more now, that I am worried about real world things like money and tuition and what not. Guess my childhood is just now slipping away and I'm beginning to feel adulthood coming at me. What do I think about this? Well to be completely honest, it scares the heck outta me. I don't want to grow up just yet. I am hurt so easily by other people's actions, that I am not sure I am ready for sticking my neck out and getting stomped on again. I would love to have the trust and love and companionship of a great guy someday, but now I don't think I can trust any guy in that capacity. There is no other way to put it but that I feel like I was trampled on. I have a sense of defeat that is overpowering and I just want to retreat into the world of friends and family and not put myself out there. Is this wrong? I don't know, but for now that is my solution and I have to go with my gut feeling.

sick, wouldnt u know it

2007-12-28T13:44:29Z

Wouldnt you know that coming home for christmas break i would get sick and it be starting on christmas eve. The thing is though, i thought it would pass by the next day or so and it hasnt and im so miserable and whats worse, i have been working closing shifts at work which suck alot and it is not a environment condusive to getting better simply because i blame work for getting me sick in the first place, with all the people i come in contact with and what not. its just a sad equation im afraid. the last post i posted on here is way past done and besides that, way over too, guy turned out to be a grade A jerk and im still reeling off the hurt i felt from it all. i think i am a little naive when it comes to judging people, i tend to give everyone the benefit of the doubt even after evidence proving them a certain way and with him, i overlooked alot and then realized, i really should have seen this coming earlier. the signs were all there, but i was too enamored to see them. oh well, crossed that bridge, over it. i am not in a very trusting guys frame of mindset these days, if its family thats one thing but outside of that, i just really am not dealing with it. somethings are best left unmessed with and i think that right now, relationships for me is one of them. on a brighter note, christmas was despite my illness, a good day, i got to see a whole bunch of my family i havent seen in a while and my favorite cousin Conway was there and stayed the night and we got to hang out for a good amount of time. Also, i got the main thing i wanted for christmas, a webcam. these things are really neat, i mean u can take pictures, make videos, and talk over aim with friends on them. i have had fun, playing with it and figuring out how it works since i got it. now if i could only get over this cold, then i would be "ginger peachy" to use a old phrase...

Ever feel like ur life should be a movie or radio talk show?

2007-10-26T20:40:57Z

Well, to begin with, recently I watched Sleepless in Seattle again for I don't know the bazillionth time, I guess. And I got to thinking, the part where the little boy Jonah calls in to the radio show and tells all about his dad and they give the callers nicknames like "Sleepless in Seattle", well I recently am feeling like my life should have such a nickname assigned to it. How about "Blundering in Blacksburg" or "Baffled in Blacksburg". I know this all makes no sense, but thats because I haven't gotten to the story behind it. It all started on the first day of classes this year. Me, always the unsuspecting innocent that I am, walk into my Historical Methods class thinking, "oh gosh, I really need to do well in this class because this is a important one for my major and besides that, I have to pass with a C or higher to continue on." Well like I said, all unbeknownst to me, I go to this class never once suspecting the peril I am placing mysef in. I go in and find a seat, which isn't hard because I always get there early, the big dork that I am, and wait for others to sidle in and class to begin. Little did I know there that one certain individual would soon cause me to loose track of what I needed to concentrate on and be a huge distraction. Yeah did I mention, that a percentage of our campus is cadets, yeah cadets, as in boys in uniform, as in major distraction, also not very good that seemingly they all seem to happen to be History majors like myself. Not good. Now to be completely honest, I'm a girl who likes a guy in uniform, who can blame me? But to get to the point, this class turned out to be about half cadets. Okay you say, she can overcome this right? Yeah, no problem. Just ignore the cadets, right, check, all good. Wrong. Yeah that seem to be a great plan until I caught sight of one particular cadet out of the bunch. For the sake of discretion and later any regrets on reciting this tale, said cadet will remain nameless. But to give the reader an idea of what was so disarming about this particular male co-ed, in a nutshell, he was tall, and I mean tall, about 6'3'' to be exact by his own reckoning, and dark, gotta love the dark type right? Oh and just in case that didn't cinch it for you, a pair of the most beautiful eyes you have ever seen, with long dark eyelashes that it is frankly unfair for a guy to have. Not to mention a smile to die for, I mean not overconfident type but the type that catch you offguard and kinda are shy and the kind you know that to see, you have to work for or earn. You a goner yet? Well I was. And the saddest part was, I didn't even know his name then. Reaching into the future a bit, once I got the nerve to talk to him, it got way worse. Okay, if all his outward traits weren't enough to knock a gal off her feet, you wouldn't believe this next part. He was the epitome of what I like to call a country boy. Redneck by his terms, country boy by mine. He possesses all the traits any country boy who is brought up right should, polite, courteous, and chivalrous, not to mention strongly patriotic and opinionated. He was pretty much your all-American guy, course the best version i had ever met. Well to get down to it, this cadet I knew I had to at least make friends with. Which I got right on as you can imagine. We are friends and have hung out a few glorious times, which were absolutely heavenly, even once, I skipped two of my classes and played hooky with said cadet, spending from 8 am that morning when we had a class together (historical methods) till 2:30 with him. Can you say, greatest day of my life. And it all just kinda happened, nothing preordained or planned, just one of those spontaneous days where things just seem to fall into place. The only pitfall to this relationship witht he cadet is, he is the type of guy that is hard to read, often moody, or kinda down, and tired, and as much time as I try to spend with him, I cannot honestly say how we stand. I am pretty sure he sees us as friends at least, but I can't help but wondering if maybe there is the option for more. Like I said, "Baffled in Blacksburg." See what I mean? Oh the wondering.......

My Big Fat Greek Life......

2007-09-11T11:26:35Z

First off I like to think that life is not like the movies, but then again it is. Ever seen the movie, "My Big Fat Greek Wedding"? Well let me tell ya, some of it is not so far stretched. I am living the crazy Greek life. And not in the whole sorority and fraternity way, bc that is just ridiculous, but thats another tangent all together. In my crazy Greek family, the main cause of all our messes is the Matriarch, or Grandmother, Yia-yia as she is more affectionately known. (yeah that was in the movie, Greeks all call their grandmas Yia-yia). Anywayz......Apparently as late, a cousin of mine has felt distress at being as he put it, "left out of family gatherings and last to know when things happened". Well no offense but he does know how large this family is doesn't he? I mean all Greek families are large. When we have family gatherings it gets kinda nutty like the movie with everyone gossiping, and what not. I tell you, for as many times as part of our family has been at odds with the other, i think we could compete against, how the ancient Greek city-states acted toward one another. Lets just say Athens and Sparta, they resemble the battles my father and his siblings have. But sadly behind most of the Drama is the cute little old lady, Yia-yia. She loves to stir up trouble and then when it happens act all distressed that her children aren't getting along. Yeah wow. Got a cousin about to be married, and another who is marrying her fiance in Greece and going to live, bc he is also Greek, but as to this first cousin, when she announced her engagement, the second one seemed to take it as a challenge as to who would get married first competition. I swear, who cares, although since i only get to go to the first ones wedding, I think im more inclined to care about that as i am a bridesmaid in it, and also slightly closer to that part of the family too. Her parents just happen to be my Nouna and Nounoe, or my Greek Godparents. Yeah haha. Lots going on this year. What else can happen to this Athens clan, who knows?

If only....

2007-08-31T21:42:56Z

If only I could make the Dean's List, then I would feel really truly smart.
If only I could find someone to share my heart with, my life would be full.
If only life had not dealt the cards that broke up our bond, I would still have a sister.
If only I could speak to people and share my thoughts, I would feel brave.
If only for once I could see someone smile at me and not question the motives behind it, I would be happy.
If only I felt good in my own skin, then my confidence would be higher.
If only life were simpler, then I would not ponder over such thoughts as these.

I'm Sorry.....

2007-08-31T21:33:57Z

I'm sorry that you can't seem to see me for the wind,
I'm sorry that I reached out and you decided not to do the same,
I'm sorry that to me you seem unapproachable,
I'm sorry I am a coward,
I'm sorry that if I could tell you what I think of you that you might feel slightly embaressed,
I'm sorry that your taken,
I'm sorry that we have things in common,
But most of all I'm sorry that you will never know these things and as a result never really know me as well.

Normalcy....

2007-04-26T14:28:12Z

What constitutes normalcy? Sure our campus is returning to classes and people seem to be settling back in to the routine around here, but is this normal really? The news and media keep sayin that VT in on its way to healing and getting back normalcy. I am not so sure that there is such a thing. Personally I go to classes and go out with friends and spend time with them as I did before 4/16/07, but its not like before because of the simple fact that ever present in the backs of our mind are the events of last week. How couldnt they be? The media still hangs around campus to a certain extent though it has thinned out mostly, but nevertheless they are a constant reminder. I mean there are signs on every hall saying to the media to keep out and give the students and faculty a breather. As much as the media has "tried" to help by covering the story and updating us on new developments, I feel that some of the time they do more harm than good and just serve to keep the wound fresh. All in all, as I discussed with my cousin also a Tech student yesterday, we are just so glad to be back at Tech. There is not place we would rather be and no greater school in our eyes. "We are the Hokies, We will prevail, we will prevail, we will prevail, we are Virginia Tech."

Pray for My Family, All the Hokies who died and were wounded...

2007-04-20T00:25:42Z

Pray for all of Virginia Tech and the people who had to experience this monsters atrocities.

REMEMBER RACHEAL HILL........

2007-04-18T03:27:35Z

Racheal Hill .....
I had only met her really this semester but she had been in my class for two. she was one of the friendliest girls i had met besides my hallmates. we became friends when at the begining of this semester, going to a review session, we realised we had been in each others class twice now and were both ridiculously early for the session, we found out we were both from richmond and started to sit with each other everyday in class from then on. she took chemistry and we had this ongoing joke about how awful chem was and how i felt for her taking it. we also had recently had a talk about old science fiction films the really silly old ones, and how the woman always tripped and then screamed until the creature got them and how dumb they were. she was a awesome girl and i cant seem to believe that from now on she will not be there anymore, sitting next to me discussing prof. murph's silly powerpoint pictures. I know her family is missing her and is heartbroken so send ur thoughts to them and remember her even if u didnt know her personally. And send your thoughts and prayers to Virginia Tech as well.

all4theduke @ 2007-04-16T17:02:00

2007-04-16T21:13:01Z

As a continuance on the crazyiness that has occurred today, i just found out that while yes my cousin is okay, he was nearby the place that the main shootings took place at the time and is shook up by it. Also he had a friend in the building who had a class there at that time and was only saved because he had had to make a bathroom trip at that time. I cant imagine how it was to be in those rooms at that time, where to some the only option availible seem to be jumping out of a window and or taking the bullets that flew everywhere as the madman and he had to have been a madman to commit such atrocities as we have seen here today took out all he could in his path. All of us should take a minute to be thankful for how lucky we were to be not there at that time and to give a moment or more of our time to think and send our thoughts to those who were not so lucky and who suffered at the merciless hand of a monster for lack of a better term.

all4theduke @ 2007-04-16T13:26:00

2007-04-16T17:32:41Z

yeah u wake up and its seems like any other day. then u get to class through snow and blustery wind and hear from a classmate that her dorm has cops surrounding it and that they were telling them not to leave the dorm and those who did leave, had to give their name and then they were allowed to leave but told they cant go back in then. During that class we saw on the tech website that a shooting had occurred in west ambler johnston and that police and such is on the scene. as we left class we headed toward the drillfield and me to my next class but before i got even close a older man approached a guy from my class and told him to turn back and not go that way because not only had there been another shooting but not in west ambler again but across campus by burruss and mcbryde where i had my next class, and that the shooter was on the loose. so i hurried and watched around me back to the dorm taking the long way around to my dorm, hearing police telling ppl to get to their dorms and stay inside. when i got back in, i immediately woke up my roommate and told her what i had heard and seen and we checked our email and turned on the news. we had followed it from then, learning he had crossed campus and went to Norris hall and started shooting in there and ppl were jumping out of windows to get away and bunch of ppl got injured and one dead that we know of. as we listened to the news one of our friends here on campus got interviewed on Fox News channel a few times over the episode. we are now aware that the shooter is dead and that he had shot at least 22 ppl and that 21 at least injured. We are going down in history now as the most heinous crime on a campus now we beat out Charles Whitman who at the university of texas, pulled a sniper crime on his fellow students in 1966. With two shooting incidents today and one the last semester this is a insane freshman year here as a student at Virginia Tech.

Easter at School

2007-04-09T18:02:41Z

Yeah it was my first Easter away from home and not really anything good about it. Most of my friends went home and or had to work, so there was no one around and I didnt celebrate at all. The only option there really would have been was to do my own Easter or ring up the Orthodox Christian Club here and be like hey can i catch a ride with you to church which would have been really weird for me and them no doubt. I miss the dyed eggs we would do at home and even the church ones dyed red that they give u every year. I miss the baskets my mom does for me and my sister and Easter dinner with the family. Lamb, a greek thing for Easter. Sounds so good now to me. And even sadder my mom made me a Easter basket and I cant have it till I go home.

And so Easter has ended before it even began for me, sigh. Well something to look forward to when I get home then I guess.

Don't tell......My conscience is killing me anyway

2007-04-05T16:48:08Z

Yeah like this mugshot of Steve-O here, i feel really guilty. Today in hopes of actually getting my world literature reading fully read and caught up on i skipped short fiction. And yeah im sure anyone out there is like "so who cares everyone does that", well this girl doesnt and feels bad but at the same time i know i didnt miss anything important prolly tho. oh well i will still feel bad for it im too goody i guess. The downer is i dont think that the extra time really did much good in the long run tho. oh well so much for trying to accomplish something while being truant to another. im not perfect so yeah was bound to happen eventually. Yeah i cant talk myself into convincing that i did a good thing. oh well.

ah spring.......

2007-04-04T16:44:35Z

Well today is so far a pretty pleasant day. Had a pop quiz in History class where the girl who sits next to me kinda freaked because she like me had not read the chapter yet. But unlike her, i did create the greatest piece of B.S. ever, that hopefully will work out but who cares. The only true worries i have this semester is getting a good grade on my finals and passing math so i can be done with it. History major so hello i dont have any interest in all things mathmatical. Just recently i read a super book by one of my new favorite authors, Sarah Dessen. It was called "Just Listen" and was really good. So if anyone is looking for a good book to read i highly recommend her books especially that one. Her books have this really cool aspect to them where they at least in my case make me totally obsessed with stuff from them for a while after. In this book her use of terms made up like I-Lang for inflammatory language and R and R for rephrase and redirect were awesome and i have taken to using them here and there. Also her love interests in her books are not your average guy like you meet in other teen fiction. They are so real and each one have such distinct personalities. In this book the guy was Owen Armstrong. He is kinda the school outcast who was always off to himself and who most people were slightly afraid of, he always wore his ipod and earphones, was supposedly arrested for a bar or club fight and then had to go to anger management. Because of these things he has this belief that it is best to always tell everyone the honest truth to whatever he is asked. His main interest is what he calls enlightened music or music that for whatever reason he finds particularly amazing going from mayan chants to Led zeppelin. Makes you wish he was real doesnt it? well i finished the book in a matter of hours and after had a sadness that u feel when u know that its over and u wish that the book being so good could of gone on so much longer. The good ones never seem long enough and the bad boring ones never ending its funny that way really. well guess that means im back to finishing Oliver Twist now, good as it is, it is totally different from Miss Dessen's books. Cant wait till her next one comes out!

A year of firsts.....

2007-04-02T18:20:30Z

Well since i have been here at school i have quite a few firsts. The greatest one is the starting clean and no one knows u first. that was great. secondly having my own living place with no parents. dull i know but still firsts. i have been out to a club now and been dancing, yeah me dancing in public wow i know crazy right, shy little ol' me. Also i have drank some a little yeger here some beer there. been hanging out at a boy's apartment till late hours in the night and morning, brett gotta love him. also been on my first road trip to Brett's hometown and met his mom and pets. Saw the movie 300 there too. Went to a Midwinter's Dance and get this actually dance and was not a wallflower. And have had late movie nights with a guy chris who i met first semester and for recent events sake i will not go on to talk about just now. (Jekyll and Hyde....) and with this person went on my first offroading adventure too.....but yeah all in all i say freshman year is not a bust and it can only get better. I'm growing up here and learning not only in the classroom from my life experiences. Not too shabby...

Kinda insane lately

2007-04-02T14:45:01Z

Its been kinda insane lately all around. Classes are kinda bumming me out now instead of looking forward to them like first semester and this is this feeling that i never have enough time to do anything. Its an overpowering sense that somehow in some way the world could come crashing down if one thing (haha placeholder!) goes awry. But on the bright side lately i have been having more heart to heart talks with my friends and i always leave them in better moods and now they know why im so out of the mix so often. I have this friend who shall remain nameless and who needless to say is one of those where they run all hot and cold. One moment you are on great terms and then in only another your totally at a loss as to what the problem is. Since i recently had to read Jekyll and Hyde in my short fiction class here, i term these changes as the Jekyll and the Hyde phases. One moment they are as nice and congenial as anyone and they are Jekyll and in the next they have turned into such a torment of contradictory statements that they become Hyde. But talking to my friends who happened to catch this transformation first hand in a group chat last night, they now understand why it is so hard for me to talk about the relationship i have with this person. They are far from consistant and as my friends put it this person is a total A#% . But name calling aside, this person needs to grow up or they will one day find themselves alone and surrounded by happier more successful people and feeling left out. Such is life i suppose. As far as cheerier topics go, yeah yesterday was april fool's day. And as was to be expected, i got tricked. Granted it was small in retrospect and not nasty really by any means but i still could have done without it. One of my gal pals took my keys and passport or card to go to the dining halls and hid it. Now seeing as we were going to get coffee on campus i needed that very object so u can imagine my annoyance at the charade they that pulled. finally though making them feel bad got it back for me in the end. And as a good ending to all stories go i got my coffee which turned out pretty good since i am not a coffee drinker and just lately decided i wanted to try it, so in the last two days i have had a chocolate latte, which was okay and then yesterday a vanilla cappucinno, which i liked better. I am thinking of trying one with caramel today if i get the chance who knows. Class awaits got to cut it short.

crazy siblings!

2006-11-07T02:14:17Z

u know u have been away from home too long when u are talking to ur sister on the phone and she is going on and on about what she has been up to and sounds like a creeky munchkin, bc she has laringitis and has too much to tell u that she talks at speeds faster than the speed of light. have u ever played an old record at the top speed and at its high pitch? well thats how my little excited sis sounded then. it was the funniest continous conversation i have had in forever. got to love the other half of the dangerous duo. we are true partners in crime. gotta miss that crazy girl and the things we do lol. i cant wait to go home and hang with the girl who has been my best friend since the day she was born.

so its been two almost three weeks now.......

2006-09-01T23:51:32Z

its been awhile now since i came to tech. i have had two weeks of classes and one weekend and now another is here. tonight i havent the slightest what is going on with my friends. they mentioned going to a club but to me i dont think i would like it at all. also i know i need to wash my clothes soon and get down and do some hw. the history major guy who added me on facebook imed me today and he seems like a really cool guy just he is not particularly good looking and i dont see him as anything more than a friend if anything while im here at tech. so far i have not met any guys who have left any lasting impressions on me. although there is a not bad looking guy in my history of the united states class, who although he sits next to me most of the time, i am pretty sure he has no idea i exist at all. ive noticed lately when i finish class that my first initial action is to crawl in bed and sleep and i dont think this is a good sign. partiers do that but they have stayed out all night and for the most part i am no where near that at all. its disturbing to me to think that i am so exhausted already. i feel oddly detached from everything and its almost as if i am watching myself like a show on tv. i go thru the movements of class and all but its not real. i hardly get any mail and my roommate tho she is far from having it in her power, has received three packages at least so far. my parents are coming up this weekend and thats why they have not sent things to me but besides going out i long for mail to feel once again connected to people i dont get to see anymore. yeah i love it here at tech but tho i am surrounded by awesome girls and everything, something still seems to be missing. whats worse i cant get in touch with a friend and they are hardly on aim and when they are i feel as if they dont want to talk to me and that its all a sham. another thing emily my roomie has all these guy firends here at school and i have none. sure people that went to the same high school go here but i was never particularly close to any of them. i think having a male presence around is important. and i had that during the summer but now i lack that and i feel the weight of it. i also feel a mess most of the time like all the guys on campus should look at me and laugh like im a joke. i mean im not trying to impress anyone but its hard to get a feeling like that. and then all the girls i hang out with have met a guy friend or someone they talk to all the people i have met are girls and yeah thats great but friends alone cant always be girls, u need to interact with the opposite sex now and again too. and a member of that that i know and came to depend upon seems to have set me aside and forgotten me. oh well maybe i am just down bc of the weather and this will all pass. lets hope so.

crazy monday as it happened for me.........

2006-08-23T15:57:07Z

so to start off our first day of classes all went well at first. i woke up got ready and showered and got my stuff together to go to my first 8am class. it was to be hist 1115, american history. i got thru all that alright and even walked to my other class locations to make sure i knew where they were. but then i decided to head back to the dorm. well i headed back and when i arrived my roommate was just finishing getting ready to go to her first class. well i had plenty of time till my next class at 1:25 so i decided to hang out in my dorm awhile and catch up with family. it was not to long after that i checked my email and i had a email from tech telling us that the william morva, killer was spotted on campus. then my roommate got a call from her friend saying they got shooeed out by armed men. well it was about this time we got a second email telling us that our classes were canceled and to stay in our dorms and "not venture out." well so we hung out in our dorms, most of the girls in the hall were getting hungry and saying that they were gonna form a group to go out. well our RA was like guys i dont think that is a good idea and if u go out then ill have to go with u. so in the end they decided against it. then they all got the idea that they would order delivery. so our RA nice person that she is said she would make the call and see if they could. well she called the pizza place and was told that VT had contacted all delovery places and told them not to deliver on campus for the time being, bc of the circumstances. well thats when most of the girls got antsy and decided they needed a diversion. so they got together and decided to go watch a movie in one of our building lounges. and while this is going on im surfing the web, checking my sites and VT webmail and trying to wait and not be too bored till all this blows over. well my roommate and i, are in the room when the RA comes around suddenly and says she is shutting all our doors and make sure they are locked bc someone on the first floor thinks they saw morva running thru our building. so we are not only on dorm lockdowns now but now further restricted to our rooms as well. since we are told not to open doors till she tells us its ok, we are sitting around with lights out, which we were told to do, waiting to see what happens next. all the while i am talking to my friend caitlin, two doors down on aim. she is alone in her room bc her roommate ran off and decided to leave her by herself. not able to get her with us or got hang with her she was isolated from anyone else then. but to get back to the situation, finally after waiting what seems like ten to fifteen mins., we get a call on our dorm phone from the RA, saying that the police have been called and are going to search our building. later not too long after she comes to the door and tells us that it was confirmed that it was he and that he has fled across the drill field. boy! u can imagine that shock it gave us all. well we kinda stayed in our rooms and waited to be further updated by email but heard nothing for the longest time. finally deeming it safe to leave the dorm room itself i head over to my friend caitlin's room and we decide to finish a movie that we had started the day b4. after that we turned on the news and just caught a news conference, telling us he was still on the loose and to keep to our rooms but we are permitted to go get dinner, bc cops are surrounding dining halls so we can get something to eat in relative safety. but just as the conference was finishing a guy comes up to the cop speaking telling him something in his ear. he then informs us the viewers that morva the suspect is now in custody. well u can imagine the relief all campus felt then. so me and my friends stephanie and caitlin, decide to get out and get some fresh air. we take out a frisbee, soccerball, and a volleyball to the drillfield and decide to run around a bit. while out there some roanoke news man comes up to us and asks us some questions about waht happened that day and how we felt and others responses and how often our parents called us and such. then he thanked us we said farewell and got back to our "so coordinated" game we invented to use all the balls and things we brought out there. then my cousin called and was like u at ur dorm? and i was like "uh no" and then i saw him and we all went back to the dorm. he saw my room and gave his imput and met the roomie and some of her friends who were there at the time. then i went with my friends to dinner and we called it a night.

so im at school three days now.......

2006-08-20T15:06:37Z

this is my third day at college and so far i must admit i have loved it. the independence and the freedom and meeting new people. its been really fun. when i first moved in i was a little worried how i would feel in this atmosphere, but now i kinda like it. day 1, i moved in and then went to dinner with my parents and then i came back and was dropped off and they left me here. then i hung around the dorm till my roomie showed up and then her guy friends showed up and i asked her if she was going to the movie on the drill field she said prolly not so i stayed in my dorm and let her go off. but then a girl i had met earlier came by with her roomie and i tagged along with them and went to see mission impossible 3. it was fun granted a little chilly and moist sitting on the grass, but fun. then i came back and said goodnight and imed people till around one and went to bed. day 2, i woke up, showered for the first time in my dorm building and then waited with my roomie till her folks came so we could go pick out a rug. then when they arrived we all went out to lunch at a greek restaurant and then went shopping. after that we kinda just hung around the dorm till i went out with my cousin and her friend julie and did some school shopping and exploring a little. after they left me at my dorm i hung out until my RA came by and ask if i was interested in joining a group that was going to dinner together i said sure and tagged along. it was the first time i had set foot in a dining hall since i had been here and i was so intimidated. i just ended up getting a smoothie bc it was easiest and i wasnt that hungry. after that i went for a walk with a hall mate caitlin and we walked until we got caught in the rain and then hurried to the dorm. while we were drying off in our rooms. a girl i had met earlier stephanie came by and we hung out. emily had her guy pals over and we all just sorta hung out doing our own things. then fifteen minutes to nine, me and stephanie went to see if caitlin was going to the hokie hype thing that night and she said yeah so we all decided to go together. mainly bc my roomie said she didnt want to. but we went got a free t-shirt and had fun. got back from that and my roomie had gone out with the guys and left me a note letting me know where i could reach her. so we decided to hang in my room and watch a movie. it was fun. near the end of the movie my roomie came back and we finished the movie and then all said goodnight. i imed some people then called it a night round 1:10. day 3 has yet to happen but im excited i have plans with the girls from my hall so looking forward to it.

so in my dorm.........

2006-08-19T14:40:24Z

im in the dorm my first night and i realise for the first time how much independence i have here at school. its kinda crazy i dont have to ask my parents if i can go somewhere and do something and whats even better i have my own living place here. well except for the roommate but i would be too alone otherwise so its good. well the first night went by pretty smoothly and i met a few people on my hall. mostly hung out with a girl named caitlin and then my roomie. i went to the drill field and we saw a drive thruish movie setup and saw mission impossible 3. got a little cold and moist but other than that it was fun. then i came back to the dorm and said goodnight to caitlin and hung out in my room till i went to sleep iming friends at home and my roommate did the same. then when she decided she was tired she went to sleep and i followed not too long later. woke up a few times in the night to shift around a bit but other than that i had a good nights rest. got a long day ahead of me and have mixed feelings about it. but open to new experiences and college will hit me with all kinds so ill end here.

i feel jinxed.....

2006-08-17T15:31:07Z

yesterday i just went out to pick up some borrowed shoes from my best friend and go to the bank to check my balances when i get into a car accident. my car is totaled and i dont think there is anyway that i am not gonna get the blame. the lady involved who was in the other car is trying to say it is all my fault but i don think it really is to tell u the truth. because if u look at the damage to our cars it is perfectly clear she hit me and at some speed too. but based on how everyone treated me and how the cops talked to me and lack thereof i just have this feeling she is gonna get her way and i am gonna get the blame for it. whats worse i feel its mostly bc of my age, they barely spoke to me on the scene and when they did it was just to get me to fill out forms and it doesnt seem fair that they just go and take her word for everything, apparently she has a witness, well i would like to know where she got this witness and who it is. i never saw anyone on the scene but some employees from hardee's who said they just heard the crash but didnt see it. so i am totally puzzled as to who it could be. but life is unfair to me things are always happening to me just b4 important times in my life and this just takes the cake as the worst thus far. luckily im okay except for a few cotusions as my mom puts it, and scrapes and bruises as i put it. i got a summons for court and i am leaving for college tomorow. as it has been all my life i have the worst luck ever and i am suffering now as a result. i just keep thinking to myself why me, why me all the time. someone really hates me i guess for all this to happen. oh well i just have to try to get passed this. its times like this i feel really alone.