all4theduke

I'm back at school and glad of it. I love home, don't get me wrong, but I nearly worked the whole time and it seems to me that I never really got a break at all to speak of. I shouldn't complain I know that more than anyone, but I can't help feel that way. Its great being back at school but the weariness that i felt over break has still not left me yet. I don't know why, but I am ever so tired all the time and what's even worse, I just seem to have this cloud hanging over me. I am constantly worried about something, even if it is of no real consequence and I am not able to completely relax ever. Guess I am suffering from anxiety. I worry alot over events from day to day. It seems more and more now, that I am worried about real world things like money and tuition and what not. Guess my childhood is just now slipping away and I'm beginning to feel adulthood coming at me. What do I think about this? Well to be completely honest, it scares the heck outta me. I don't want to grow up just yet. I am hurt so easily by other people's actions, that I am not sure I am ready for sticking my neck out and getting stomped on again. I would love to have the trust and love and companionship of a great guy someday, but now I don't think I can trust any guy in that capacity. There is no other way to put it but that I feel like I was trampled on. I have a sense of defeat that is overpowering and I just want to retreat into the world of friends and family and not put myself out there. Is this wrong? I don't know, but for now that is my solution and I have to go with my gut feeling.